Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in dreamer387's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, February 20th, 2007
9:26 pm	Random Question... This may sound weird.. but i was wondering if there is any one else here thats a Christian, and maybe understands wat im going through..? Current Mood: disappointed (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 21st, 2006
5:25 pm	Im back! Hey girlies, I have not written in ages, things have been going real bad. But Im determined to get my act togehter and start to loose weight. I hate how much I have gained its the highest I have ever been. I feel like going in a hole and never coming out till im thin again. I didnt go to classes today, again. I felt too gross, i didnt want people looking at me. So far all I have had today is Green tea, Water and a chai Latte with skim milk. I also did three different exercise videos and im hoping to do more. I need to loose like 20 pounds by next week but i know that is impossible. My friend is coming to visit me and I dont want her to go back and tell everyone how i have gained weight. Also the guy I am in love with is moving near me and ill be seeing him in two weeks and I cant bare to look the way I do now when I see him. I need help guys. Im going to try and fast for as long as I can! (Comment on this)
Friday, April 28th, 2006
4:45 pm	Unworthy Recently I felt that I couldnt live this way anymore...I havent been able to maintain my weight since the breakup with my ex boyfriend and i am constanly going up and down. So i decided to see the school couselour, which was a scary thing for me because I had not told ne one about my eating disorder before. After telling her and seeing her i changed my mind, i dont want help and I want to continue this way. I hated talking to her and she made me feel even more overweight. I felt like i couldnt even live up to being anorexic just because im not thin right now. But it also has made me motivated to show her that I actually do have a problem, even though i may not look it at the moment. I NEED to loose weight and fast i feel huge and more gross than ever b4. I hate feeling unworthy of everything or even being a failure.. i cant fail at this! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 6th, 2006
7:15 pm	SHIT UHH feeling giant! I know i could say .. theres always tomarrow but i feel like eating so much today really screwed me up for a while. I feel like im never gonna loose it. I need to go home and work out and stop eating ne thing! I need to fast. I hate how i eat "normally" and in an instant feel huge. It sucks...im trying to think thin. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, February 3rd, 2006
12:52 pm	Help! I feel like a major failure lately. I am visiting my aunt and uncle in minnesota and the minute i got off the plane i was offered food. I have been doing so welll lately.. working out everyday and eating less than 500 cals... but now i have to eat every meal. This morning i had some egg soufle I tried to throw up as much of it as i cud. If ne one knows ways of getting out of eating please let me know. I dont know that i can take it and i especially dont think my stomach can take it. I stayed up for hours last night in my room trying to burn off cals... ohh another thing that wud help are some good fast burning exercises i can do in a small space. Hope everyone is goood.. "hunger hurts.. but starving works" Current Mood: distressed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
11:21 am	Cravings suck Trying so hard to not binge... I have told myself i have to stop because i tend to purge after and it needs to stop. I want to be ablet to starve or just work everything off. But because im a singer i need to stop throwing up because not only cud it be hurting my voice its hurting my jaw and makes it uncomfortable to sing. bt its so hard when i get cravings and want to just binge and know i could just throw it up, But im determined to stop it. I got terrible cramps at the moment. There are so many things i need to do and get done today becasue Im moving and i just dont want to do it. I need to work out alot. I had a god workout yesterday and im planning to keep it up everyday. Then if i mess up and eat something i can just work it off, except for some reason that is harder for me to fathom. I was luckily able to skip dinner the last two days. And im hping to do the same tonight. I feel bad because its my last month here with my family and i should be spending more time withthem, but i just cant do dinner. Sometimes i get lucky and get around it or just eat the veggies. This weekend im going to the city with all my friends with means FOOD all day long. All they do is eat, and try to force me to eat. I just have to make sure i eat only healthy.. no loosing control, which is hard for me to do. I never have control. Im doing good this week... but that cud end in a mattter of time with my cycle. But im determined for it to be different this time. Well i should go get things done for the day..have a great day everyone! Be optomistic... dont be a grumpy, when the world get bumpy, just smile, smile and be happy. (Lol anyone seen the movie) (( How ironic my entry was just all pesimistic... oppps my bad)) Current Mood: determined (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 22nd, 2006
3:35 pm	Dumb Me! I have completely screwed up this weekend. I spent the week babysitting and had to sleep at the house so I was completely off my usual schedule. I had zero time to work out and found myself binging way too much. Planning to fast the whole week and work out as much as possible. The only problem is i always have very little engergy. If anyone knows any good energy pills that work well please let me know. I need something to burn all this fat off. Current Mood: guilty (Comment on this)