urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamer387dreamer387dreamer387dreamer3872007-02-21T03:28:34Zurn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamer387:1947Random Question...2007-02-21T03:28:34Z2007-02-21T03:28:34ZThis may sound weird.. but i was wondering if there is any one else here thats a Christian, and maybe understands wat im going through..?urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamer387:1643Im back!2006-06-21T05:25:44Z2006-06-21T05:26:36ZHey girlies, <br />I have not written in ages, things have been going real bad. But Im determined to get my act togehter and start to loose weight. I hate how much I have gained its the highest I have ever been. I feel like going in a hole and never coming out till im thin again. I didnt go to classes today, again. I felt too gross, i didnt want people looking at me. So far all I have had today is Green tea, Water and a chai Latte with skim milk. I also did three different exercise videos and im hoping to do more. I need to loose like 20 pounds by next week but i know that is impossible. My friend is coming to visit me and I dont want her to go back and tell everyone how i have gained weight. Also the guy I am in love with is moving near me and ill be seeing him in two weeks and I cant bare to look the way I do now when I see him. I need help guys. Im going to try and fast for as long as I can!urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamer387:1294Unworthy2006-04-28T04:50:18Z2006-04-28T04:52:19ZRecently I felt that I couldnt live this way anymore...I havent been able to maintain my weight since the breakup with my ex boyfriend and i am constanly going up and down. So i decided to see the school couselour, which was a scary thing for me because I had not told ne one about my eating disorder before. After telling her and seeing her i changed my mind, i dont want help and I want to continue this way. I hated talking to her and she made me feel even more overweight. I felt like i couldnt even live up to being anorexic just because im not thin right now. But it also has made me motivated to show her that I actually do have a problem, even though i may not look it at the moment. I NEED to loose weight and fast i feel huge and more gross than ever b4. I hate feeling unworthy of everything or even being a failure.. i cant fail at this!urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamer387:1207SHIT2006-02-07T01:18:23Z2006-02-07T01:18:23ZUHH feeling giant! I know i could say .. theres always tomarrow but i feel like eating so much today really screwed me up for a while. I feel like im never gonna loose it. I need to go home and work out and stop eating ne thing! I need to fast. I hate how i eat "normally" and in an instant feel huge. It sucks...im trying to think thin.urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamer387:890Help!2006-02-03T19:00:34Z2006-02-03T19:09:56ZI feel like a major failure lately. I am visiting my aunt and uncle in minnesota and the minute i got off the plane i was offered food. I have been doing so welll lately.. working out everyday and eating less than 500 cals... but now i have to eat every meal. This morning i had some egg soufle I tried to throw up as much of it as i cud. If ne one knows ways of getting out of eating please let me know. I dont know that i can take it and i especially dont think my stomach can take it. I stayed up for hours last night in my room trying to burn off cals... ohh another thing that wud help are some good fast burning exercises i can do in a small space. Hope everyone is goood.. "hunger hurts.. but starving works"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamer387:608Cravings suck2006-01-25T16:21:47Z2006-01-25T16:21:47ZTrying so hard to not binge... I have told myself i have to stop because i tend to purge after and it needs to stop. I want to be ablet to starve or just work everything off. But because im a singer i need to stop throwing up because not only cud it be hurting my voice its hurting my jaw and makes it uncomfortable to sing. bt its so hard when i get cravings and want to just binge and know i could just throw it up, But im determined to stop it. <br />I got terrible cramps at the moment. There are so many things i need to do and get done today becasue Im moving and i just dont want to do it. I need to work out alot. I had a god workout yesterday and im planning to keep it up everyday. Then if i mess up and eat something i can just work it off, except for some reason that is harder for me to fathom. <br />I was luckily able to skip dinner the last two days. And im hping to do the same tonight. I feel bad because its my last month here with my family and i should be spending more time withthem, but i just cant do dinner. Sometimes i get lucky and get around it or just eat the veggies. <br />This weekend im going to the city with all my friends with means FOOD all day long. All they do is eat, and try to force me to eat. I just have to make sure i eat only healthy.. no loosing control, which is hard for me to do. I never have control. Im doing good this week... but that cud end in a mattter of time with my cycle. But im determined for it to be different this time.<br />Well i should go get things done for the day..have a great day everyone! Be optomistic... dont be a grumpy, when the world get bumpy, just smile, smile and be happy. (Lol anyone seen the movie) (( How ironic my entry was just all pesimistic... oppps my bad))urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:dreamer387:275Dumb Me!2006-01-22T20:38:34Z2006-01-22T20:38:34ZI have completely screwed up this weekend. I spent the week babysitting and had to sleep at the house so I was completely off my usual schedule. I had zero time to work out and found myself binging way too much. Planning to fast the whole week and work out as much as possible. The only problem is i always have very little engergy. If anyone knows any good energy pills that work well please let me know. I need something to burn all this fat off.